just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
