Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
