I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
