What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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