Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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