Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
