So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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