my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
