I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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