meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
