I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
