my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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