So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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