The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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