i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
