So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
