I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
