I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
