Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
false alarm, still single
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
