pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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