If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
