I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
