so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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