she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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