Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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