My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
