I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
