i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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