Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
