i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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