CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everclear isn't food dammit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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