I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
