Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
