I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
