Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
