I think i sorta joined a cult last night
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
worst night to have a conscience
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
