Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
