you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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