new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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