they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
