Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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