I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
