How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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