your room smells of hookers.
And success
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
