Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
