Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
