This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize