remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
