hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
