And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
