why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
