I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
