he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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