planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
