i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
