shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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