I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
