Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
