I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize