Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
