Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
