wanna go halves on a baby?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
