why didn't you poke me back
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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