I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I sprained my soul last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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