there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it penis luge time yet?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
