this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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