I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
