i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
