i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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