Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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