got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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