.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
