It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
