I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had sex on a dog bed..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
