someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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