There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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