Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
